I had trouble writing this post. At first, I was just going to list my life goals. The list includes, going to law school, having a happy and lifelong marriage, mothering children, making a difference in the world, being an inspiration to someone….
Then I realized some of these are completely out of my control. I want to make goals that I know are achievable. Consequently, my life goals are to be content in my circumstances and to trust God.
I have learned over the last year that life can change in an instant. I have learned that you can go from contentment to deep sorrow in a matter of seconds. I have learned to appreciate the little things in life. I have learned that sometimes you can do your best and still feel like you’ve failed. I have learned that I am not in control.
This past year has been full of sadness and struggle. Not just with the death of my very best friend, but with my parents’ health issues, and my ongoing law school saga. I’d think my life would make a pretty good soap opera these days. Just when things start to look up, something else happens and I just can’t seem to get ahead. It’s been rough. It’s been devastating. It’s been full of grief. It’s been ever changing. But, the one constant is that
God has been present amidst it all.
I never want to forget that.
I haven’t been happy. I am ready to let this grief and happiness co-mingle. I am ready for bright, sunny days – literally and figuratively. I also haven’t trusted God the way I should. I have been angry at Him. Frustrated. Sad. Confused. Worried. But He is still there.
So, my life goal is to be content and to trust in Him. I have a lot of work to do in this area, but that’s OK. I am not expected to be there right now. That’s why it is called a goal and not an accomplishment.