Monday, March 25, 2013

We Need A Beach

Last night I packed this:
Those colors just *scream* Summer! Mmmmm!
This morning I woke up to this:

In case you have trouble telling what that is, it is SNOW.  It is March 25, 2013 in Virginia!! 

It's a good thing that in a week, I will be on this:
The Bigbys are in desperate need of a beach, and our trip could not come at a better time.
Those who know us know that this will be a bittersweet trip for us.  We try to go on an annual family vacation.  It is one of the things I look forward to every year.  Last year, we went to Thailand and had quite an adventure!  This year, we want to be super lazy, so we booked a trip to Aruba.  It’s bittersweet for us, though, because it purposefully coincides with the anniversary of Mike’s death.

Ever since Mike died, I have been dying to go to a beach.  It’s always nice to have the warm sun hit your face and seemingly take away your cares (even if temporarily and superficially); to feel the sand between your toes.  I have mostly wanted to go to the beach to be near the ocean.  The ocean has always been very symbolic and significant for me.  It reminds me of God, and the beach is where I feel closest to Him.  Being that this tragedy has ripped me apart and I’m experiencing the most difficult time of my life, being close to God has been my only and best option.  I guess I could have turned away completely, but I didn’t really consider that for more than a few hours.  I yearn for the ocean.

To me, the ocean is representative of God.  It is strong and powerful yet calm and beautiful, too.  It is life giving and can take your life away.  It can get angry, but is peaceful and tranquil and provides a loving shelter (for all of the fish).  I can’t wait to be face to face with such power and beauty.

If you remember, please say some prayers for us next week -- for sun and happiness; comfort and healing.  Prayers are particularly appreciated on April 3rd.  Mike was very much a part of our family, so this is not only difficult for me, but for my parents, too.  Dad still gets mad at the fact that despite all that he did, nothing could help Mike.  Walking by his golf clubs in the garage makes him particularly sad since Mike had planned to teach my dad how to play a game he loved so much.  My mom misses him spending many a weekend at our house and the bowling challenge that was always discussed, but never materialized.  My parents also hate to see me sad, so that can unnecessarily complicate things.  Above and beyond my family, Mike’s family and friends also covet your prayers.  As one of his college roommates told me the other day, “It will never make sense and it still hurts”.  To some degree, it will always hurt, but April 3rd might be a doozy.

All of us directly affected by this tragedy know deep grief and intense pain.  We also know incredible love and unwavering support.  For me, the beach will hopefully ease some of this pain. I’ll speak for all of us, family and close friends alike, and say that we greatly appreciate the support. We move forward with faith, strength, courage and love knowing nothing will fill the void in our lives and the hole in our hearts.  But we will make it.

For more than weather related reasons, we need a beach.

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