Tuesday, December 11, 2012

How will this be?

This is a season of preparation. The obvious preparations include getting ready for Christmas - putting up the tree and other decorations, making a list and checking it twice, buying the presents, wrapping the presents, attending parties and giving and receiving gifts. All of that is fun and can be stressful. While all of these preparations seem important and necessary they are not of the utmost importance. Amidst all of the busyness of Christmas, we celebrate the season of Advent. In Advent, we prepare for the arrival of Jesus – for the word made flesh, for a baby born of a virgin to bring the good news!

When an angel told Mary she would give birth to the Son of God she was confused. A virgin giving birth to a baby?! “How will this be?, she asked. A mix of doubt, wonder, and curiosity existed within her question. I have been much like Mary over the last eight months.

On April 3, 2012, my world as I’d known it for nearly half my life shattered! Life went way off script. I thought I knew how life would be. While my stable ground started to get a little shaky in the months prior to Dude’s death, I never expected the ground to crack as it did. On that horrific day, it was as if a bomb went off and blew everything wide open! All that was left behind was a mess – broken dreams, shattered hopes, a broken heart.

I’ve spent the last eight months picking up the pieces. As I collect the pieces I realize that they will never fit together as they did before Dude died. There will always be a crack because one of the most important people in my life is no longer present on this earth. I’ve also realized that just because the puzzle is different than it was before does not mean life will not be beautiful. Light is able to shine through the cracks.

What I don’t know is what the new puzzle will look like. I greet the future with a mix of hope and fear. If someone told me last year that I would have been studying for the LSAT and preparing to go to law school, I would have laughed out loud in their face!  Seriously. Sure, going to law school has always been a dream of mine, but I’d pushed it away so many times, it seemed like it would only be a dream. At this point, maybe it will remain a dream, but I’ve taken steps to make it a reality. God is at work on a plan new to me for my life. He is preparing me for something great. As He is at work, I ask a lot of questions about my “new normal”.

How will this be?

The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.
O Little Town of Bethlehem

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