Monday, November 12, 2012


Why - The question that is never far away - The Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe

Why? It's the main question that Dude's family and friends ask as we grieve this tragedy. Why did this happen? Why did God not stop this as He had done before? Why did Dude get so sick? Why were all of our valiant efforts not enough? Why was life not worth the fight to him? Why did he not accept all of the help that he was offered? Why? Why? Why? The list of questions could go on and on! Unfortunately, we don't have any answers to those questions...

We move on to other questions in search of answers. What? How? When? Where? I've wracked my brain for all of the details of the conversations I have had with Dude and explain everything I know to his mom and his brothers. Ava has patiently gone over all of the details of the autopsy with me. She answers any question I have. I answer anything she asks me, too. We have a ton of information, but no answers.

We know Dude's diagnosis. We know that he was very sick. We know how he died. We know that he loved Jesus and is safely resting in the arms of the Lord, healthy and himself  again. There's so much more we want to know, but that is all that we can know for sure.

Healing doesn't come from the explained - The Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe

While doing my grief work today I stumbled across this statement: "It is natural after loss to ask the question 'why?' However, we will likely not know the answer to that question in this lifetime. A different question to ask is 'what now?' Living into the answer of that question is to learn, to grow, to keep your heart open, to reach out to others in compassion, to keep your relationship with your dear one vibrant, to find meaning, and to turn your attention to those still here as well". Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief

I think this was something of a turning point for me. I will do my best to resist the urge to ask the question "why". Instead, I will ask "what now?" "What now?" allows me to acknowledge that life is not the same as it was -- that I must adjust to a new normal. But, it also helps me to move forward and encourages me to have something to look forward to.

So, what now?

The answer to that question will unfold over time..... 

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