Tuesday, October 30, 2012

That day.

I've recently found myself replaying the events of April 3, 2012 over in my head. The day started off with a frightening thought that quickly became reality.

I don't remember what the weather was like that day.
I don't remember what I was wearing.
I specifically remember driving to work with my dad and all of a sudden I said,

"I think Mike is going to die today."

{I had absolutely no reason to say this}

He gave me an are-you-out-of-your-mind look and continued driving. I couldn't get the thought out of my head and spent far too many hours at work dialing his cell phone. It was ringing, so that meant he wasn't in the hospital. About lunch time, I called my dad and asked him to send Mike an email. Maybe he would respond to my dad and my fears could be put to rest. Dad said, "I'll do it because you've asked me to, but I am telling you not to worry." "Just do it", I said and he did. No response.

Later that day, I went to my monthly prayer group. During our prayer request time, I spilled the secret I had been keeping for months. I explained that Mike had been in and out of the hospital for the past couple months because of depression and suicide attempts. Every time Mike was in the hospital, I was sad but grateful. I knew he was safe. When he was out on his own, I worried. Freedom from the hospital confines meant we could talk as much as we wanted, but it also meant he wasn't as protected. If a few days went by and I hadn't heard from him, I worried. It usually meant he was not in a good place and I would receive the news that he was back in the hospital.

I hadn't heard from him for a few days and had this unnerving thought when I awoke that day. I was full of fear and was desperately trying to keep it together.

My prayer group and I prayed together for his healing. In the middle of prayer, I burst out "STOP! I need to check my phone". Again, crazy looks, as I fished my phone from my bag. I looked at my phone and what I hoped not to see was bright as day - a message from Ava asking if I had heard from Mike or if he was with me because she did not know where he was. My worst fear was about to come true.

I called her right away and explained that I hadn't heard from him and the police needed to be called. I left off the part that all day I had been thinking he was going to die. I hung up with her and my gut nudged me to pick up the phone and call the police. So I did.

{Never mind the fact that 911 told me to google the number to the WASHPA police. Thanks for the help, 911. Love ya, too}

After  explaining everything to the lady on the phone, she didn't want to believe me. She kept asking me if I was a family member. "My name is not Clements", I said, "but I am close enough to the family to be one, just please listen to me. Ask me any question you want to and I will answer you. There is not a question I cannot give you an answer to, so please just give me a chance." So, she started and it was almost like a game.

Bring it, lady. Hit me with your best shot.

 She did, and much to her surprise, I hit all of the balls out of the ballpark. By end of the conversation, she was asking me if I wanted her to call me back with their findings.
"No", I said. "I already know the answer and I don't want to hear confirmation from you. Please just go out and find him and bring him home safely."

They did what I asked. They brought him home safely.  Safely in the arms of Lord.

Worst day of my life.


  1. Really beautifully written, and I know it can't have been easy to write, but I hope it was helpful. The most helpful thing for me is to write things down - especially if someone else sees it.

    1. Exactly, that's the reason I do it. It's really helpful!


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