Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Reminder from an iPhone and Flowers

I had been avoiding updating my iPhone for quite some time. I heard people lost their text messages, photos, and the maps were screwed up, so the idea of upgrading was not at all appealing. There are a few texts and photos I am not ready to let go of, so I put off the upgrade until I was forced to make the change.
That day finally came. My phone went crazy and I knew I was not going to be able to do anything productive with it until I agreed to that upgrade. After getting over my earlier anxiety about what I might lose, I hit the button! Nothing happened. I hit the button again. Still nothing. At this point, frustration sets in. I am trying to do what I don't want to do but know I have to do and now it won't allow me to pull the trigger! So, I read more closely and it told me I do not have enough free memory to complete the process.  Grrrreat. Now, I have to voluntarily get rid of stuff (and still risk losing the photos and texts that I want to keep)! Reluctantly, I start flipping through apps and emails I might be able to delete. I am staying far away from those photos! Then I go to the songs that I never listen to anymore . Gone, without an issue! After deleting everything I would be fine to see go, I check the amount of free memory and there is still not enough to complete the upgrade (I have a ton of songs! The iPhone is a dream come true for a person like me who loves singing and talking!). Not enough memory means I have to go to the forbidden territory -- the photos. Yikes! I take a deep breath and I start the trip down memory lane. About 5 photos in, I come across this:
This is a photo of the last gift/surprise Mike sent to me. He sent these a week after my surgery last October with a note attached (I came across the note later that day - not sure why I kept it and why he signed it. I always laughed because he'd forget to sign his name!) that read:

Ain't  nothin' gonna break your stride! Ain't nothin' gonna get you down! Feel better. I'll see you soon. 

The roses were a wonderful surprise and the message was thoughtful and appropriate considering I was banished to sitting in a chair for 8 weeks of no weight bearing. He knew I was upset, but he also knew that I would survive and get through this and wanted to reinforce it with the message. I remember calling him to thank him (and sending him the photo) and he said "I sent them to you a week later because I wanted you to remember the message. You were too drugged up the first few days to comprehend".
I didn't notice it when they first arrived, but over the course of a week, beautiful golden blossoms emerged. A secondary surprise was that the roses were surrounded by Peruvian lilies. 
Mike loved to surprise and I welcomed the surprises as I love to be surprised! However, the ultimate surprise came on April 3rd when he took his own life. While I knew it could be a possibility given how sick he was, I never believed he would ever do it. I was completely surprised, but this time, I did not welcome it. 

 His last and final act has gotten me down. It has broken my stride. 

I will survive. 

Had I not had to clean out my iPhone, and later, clean out my drawer where I found the note, I would not have come across these photos anytime soon.  I believe I was meant to find these again and be reminded of the message Mike wanted to be sure I was able to comprehend. Upon reflecting on the photos tonight, God showed me something else. When I first received the roses, I was so focused on the red blooms that I never even saw the little yellow buds that would soon enhance the bouquet and transform it from beautiful to gorgeous. (The Peruvian lilies really pack some punch, don't they?) 

God showed me that He doesn't want me to settle. He wants to give me life to the fullest. 

 Life these days is certainly not as bright as that bouquet (the bouquet that lasted for 3 weeks!!), but with time, those "golden blossoms" will emerge. I feel better than I did 6.5 months ago and am hopeful and prayerful that time will continue to help me move forward.
Dude's note indicated that he would see me soon. Unfortunately, he started to get really sick by the time I was "released from the wingback chair prison," and we did not get to see or spend time with each other before he died. I will see him soon enough, though. In the meantime, it is important for me to be reminded of his message, to know he is always with me, and to expect a life full of "red roses and Peruvian lilies"!  

PS: I didn't lose anything valuable in the upgrade and my phone is now free from clutter.
{Never mind that I should have been more concerned about losing text messages instead of photos because photos are backed up on my computer. That's what happens when you freak out!}

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