2011: The Year in Review

I rang in the new year with some good friends and a night in Old Town to watch the fireworks. Fireworks are one of my absolute favorite things, so I was quite disappointed when there was a malfunction and the show barely started was over early. As I stared intently at the night sky, a golden burst appeared and lit up the night! Then we waited and waited and waited for the sky to sparkle again. Another firework! Yes! But no. That was it. Something went wrong and the fireworks show came to a disappointing end. At the time, I hoped that poor firework display would not be indicative of the year to come. Unfortunately, 2011 has felt analogous to that night. For most of 2011 I have felt like I have been in a holding pattern, but there were certainly some highlights that are noteworthy!

My 29th birthday bash was in the middle of January! My friend, Laura, graciously offered to throw me a soiree to usher in the last year of my 20s and what a blast it was! To have most of my favorite people in one room showering me with love and cheer is quite a blessing. My friends, Brad and Joseph, even flew down from Boston and ensured the whole weekend was extra special.

 
Then I knocked an item off of my 20 before 40 list by learning how to ski.

 I only wiped out two times, but this photo reminds me of the fun, hard work, and determination that went into this experience. I hope to ski more in 2012 as long as I am recovered enough from my surgery.

In June, I attended the black tie wedding of a high school friend. I took full advantage of the opportunity to get all gussied up! After being a bridesmaid 10 times and going to more weddings than I can count, this happened:

Let's hope that's a good sign for 2012!

Those of you who know me, know I am always on the move! Traveling is my absolute favorite way to spend time (besides music and singing, but that is also done while traveling). 2011 was full of adventures all over the country.

My high school friends. Ocean City, MD. June 2011

UR Reunion, Boston, July 2011

Kerry, Swanville, MN August 2011

 

Myrtle Beach, SC. August 2011with my "Moms"

 

Hutto/Austin, TX fun with the Fentons, Sept 2011

Not pictured is a quick weekend getaway to NYC with my mom  in September to celebrate FOCUS' 50th anniversary! I was too busy to take photos and am sad about that, but oh well! Mom and I caught "Memphis" on Broadway while we were there and treated ourselves to an extravagant brunch at The Waldorf. The brunch is super pricey, but totally worth it. Dad said to live it up, so I took his advice and made sure to eat 6(!) plates to get his money's worth! I don't think I ate for 2 days after that feast! 

Life came to a screeching halt when I had surgery on Oct 14.

The last 10 weeks have been a slow but steady struggle to heal and be my new and improved self. The road ahead is still long, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to help me to truly appreciate the life I am living. I started out this blog post thinking the year was awful. And in some aspects, it was. But as I've typed this year in review, I've realized amidst the tough times, there have been some true bright spots and blessings. Most importantly, I am blessed with wonderful friends and family who give me a reason to laugh and smile everyday.

Thank goodness that doesn't change from year to year.

Merry Christmas!

A message?

To sum it all up, 2011 has been a pretty crummy year! There have certainly been some highlights that I will talk about in a feature blog post, but for the most part, thumbs down (or at least sideways!) to this year. I've felt stuck. Every attempt I've made to move forward has been thwarted. I pray feverishly to move forward yet constantly feel like I am being yanked back! God and I have talked about it. A lot. But, I've felt like He wasn't listening. I know He was because He always does, but I haven't felt like I've been heard.
When I start to doubt I stop  hoping and dreaming and I start to fear. I fear that despite the fact that my deepest desire is to be married and have a family I will be alone living with 6 cats for the rest of my life. That's so silly. God says in Psalm 37:4 "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." And, I don't even like cats! So, the chances of that fear actually becoming a reality are slim to none! I also really want to start the foundation for children with disabilities. It seems daunting. I had a friend who was helping and then that support kind of just fizzled away and I felt overwhelmed and set that dream aside for now. But, I want it and know it is going to take a lot of work to make it happen. I also know I have a lot of support from people who actually know what they're doing when it comes to non-profits. So, it's time to "get back on the horse" and get movin'!
Then there's the story of my condo. I wanted to move back in June. I gave my tenant an extension until the end of September. He wrecked the place in that time. I had surgery in October. I haven't been back to the place yet. I've literally been sitting for 9 weeks and am slowly getting back to normal. Needless to say, the three things most important to me right now seem as if they have been removed from my reach.

Yesterday, what I believed to be a random box from Barnes and Noble arrived on my parents' doorstep addressed to me. My mom questioned whether my dad or I had ordered something from there. Recently, I've gone crazy with online shopping, but Barnes and Noble was not a site I visited. I tore opened the box, intrigued by what could be inside. Tucked away in the cardboard was a book from my pastor. The book: "The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears".  The note inside indicated he and his wife were thanking me for a donation I had made. I donated because I believed in the mission of the church, never expecting anything in return. But in my days of doubt, an unexpected surprise, this book, arrives.

I think God is trying to tell me something. I better hurry up and read this book all while continuing to trust Him. He's got something wonderful in store.

And, when I am done, I'll let you know how it is. You might want to check it out for yourself.

Looking for a good book?

Believe me, if I am recommending a book, it must be good. I say that because I don't like to read. My parents, both avid readers, used to get so upset when I would take my summer reading list to the bookstore and ask for the shortest books with the largest print! I didn't care about the subject. The most important thing to me was to tackle the summer reading in the shortest amount of time possible.

Cuddled up in my bed, I tore through this book cover to cover in just one day. So what is this book and what's all the hoopla? Well, let me tell you.... The book that captured my attention is called A Good and Perfect Gift by Amy Julia Becker.

You may pick up this book, realize that it is a story of a family raising a child with Down Syndrome, think that is not relevant to you and your life and put it back down. Yes, it is indeed a memoir about the surprise and challenges a first time mother felt when she learned two hours after her daughter's birth that Penny had Down Syndrome. Amy Julia had always placed high value on education and intellectual ability so this news brought dark days filled with sadness, fear, disappointment and shock that Penny may not live up to the dreams imagined for her while she was in the womb. Not only did the Beckers have to adjust to life with a newborn baby, Penny's Down Syndrome diagnosis ushered in a storm of questions and (perhaps) a dramatic adjustment in the life they had envisioned for their eldest child. More importantly, Penny forced an adjustment in the definition of perfection. Amy Julia candidly recalls her initial disappointment in the diagnosis and takes readers on the emotional and intellectual journey associated with the first two years of Penny's life. She asks uncomfortable questions. "Will I be able to be proud of her? Will I be able to love her?" (page 25) At first, she is not so sure. But as the book goes on, Becker leads the reader to see that these questions are not just those a parent of a child with a disability asks. She examines her own assumptions of "perfection" and challenges the readers to do the same.

Now you say, "Well, Jess, that's great, but this book seems even more irrelevant to me because I am not a parent"

Neither am I, but as a person with a disability I loved this book and want everyone to read it. This book beautifully articulates the struggles many people with disabilities feel. Fully able people often think the biggest challenges a disabled person face are physical or intellectual, depending on the nature of the disability. The truth is the physical (or intellectual) challenges are not high on our worry list. If we don't know how to do something, we will either try to do it a different way or don't know what we are missing anyway so it doesn't really matter. I would argue the greatest obstacle a disabled person faces is getting the world to see them as they see themselves: as a person with a disability rather than a disabled person. 

In A Good and Perfect Gift, Becker takes the readers on her personal journey from seeing her daughter as a disabled person to a person with a disability.

“Can she live a full life without ever solving a quadratic equation?  Without reading Dostoevsky?  I’m pretty sure she can.  Can I live a full life without learning to cherish and welcome those in this world who are different from me?  I’m pretty sure I can’t.” (pg 123) 

If you are a book worm and enjoy well written books, this is for you. If you are looking for an engaging story, pick this up when you have time because you won't be able to put it down. But, if you are interested in growing as a person, do me a favor and read this book. You will be changed -- for the better.

Hopefully, now I have intrigued you and you want to know more about this read. If so, go here. You will find many reviews and may I point out that Becker's book was selected as one of the best of 2011 by Publisher's Weekly!  Now that you're sold, go get it here!    

It's a good and perfect gift for everyone on your Christmas list.

Christmas List 2011

Mom handed me a pad of Post-It notes and a pen and asked me to make my Christmas list. In an attempt to get her into the 21st century, I thought I'd post it here too:

iPod nano

My iPod died a tragic death in a rain storm in NYC in September. I have my iPhone that I currently listen to music on, but I like to talk on the phone and listen to music at the same time. The new nano is all jazzed up! In addition to housing my music library, it has FM radio, and the capability for me to track my workouts. Will I really track my workouts? Probably not, but I am itching to get back to the gym! This comes in a number of colors, but I'm thinking of going all girly and asking for a hot pink one!

Tall brown boots

These beauties in dark brown are resting in an unopened box in my room. If they fit, they will go under the tree and wait until December 25th to be worn. I hope they work because I am already planning all of the outfits that would look stunning with these on my "brand new" feet (Well, the right foot is "new").


Jammies

 


 It's a tradition in my family to get new pajamas for Christmas. We all get a few pairs each year. Time to get rid of the last year's pjs that are worn out and raggedy and fill the drawer with the new sleepwear.

Hightower Jersey

 I'm not normally a jersey girl. Football is one of my favorite sports, but I normally like to sport my team spirit sans the over-sized shirt with someone else's name on my back. This time I can't resist the jersey. Tim Hightower grew up in my hometown, went to my rival high school, and played football for the Richmond Spiders. Unfortunately, I missed him on campus by a year so I can't really say I know him, but he's now playing for the hometown team! I've just got to show my support and pride for Timmy and the Redskins -- and later on, I'm hoping my future husband won't mind if this gets a prominent place in his man room. 

 I would love this....

but I doubt I am getting it. That's Art Monk. He's my favorite Redskin of all time. Classy dude that can tear up that turf!

And if I am really dreaming....

He'd be nice too!

But, I'd better put all of this on a post-it or there won't be anything under the tree for me for Christmas -- except maybe those boots!

Thankfulness Top 10

Since I will be stuffing my face, watching football, and enjoying time with friends and family on Thursday, here are the top 10 things I am thankful for today and everyday:

1. Faith: As my friends are entering the parent stage of life and I watch them go through their pregnancies, I realize more and more of what a miracle I truly am! Being born at 26 weeks, 30 years ago, I should not have survived. But I did. Granted, I have a disability and walk with canes, but I'll take it! God had a plan for me from the very beginning. I am truly blessed and will continue to walk the path He has paved for me. It's been a glorious ride thus far. The ups and downs make life all the more interesting and remind me that God is in control.

2. Family: My parents and I have so much fun as a little family. We love and support each other unconditionally, but we also like to do spontaneous and adventurous things! Oftentimes, people who are close to us will remark "Only at the Bigbys....". I take that as a compliment. Predictability is not guaranteed at 302 Cambridge, but you can count on us having fun no matter what life throws at us.

My parents have also taught me that marriage is all about teamwork, commitment and sacrifice, compromise and love. With that example, I look forward to having my own family someday.

3. Friends: I always wanted a sibling. A biological one was out of the question. No problem, though, because to me friends are like family. I take friendships very seriously. While I certainly know a ton of people, there is only a small group of people I would truly call my friends. And those people - man, they are amazing!

4. Education: Having a mom as a teacher means education takes priority in my life. I used to hate when I was one of a few select individuals to receive a "perfect attendance certificate". I wanted a fun day off, but that's not an option when you mom is a teacher.  My parents were able to afford to send me to some of the best schools in the country.  I learned my strengths and identified the areas that are best left to others who excel where I do not.  Some information I use regularly. Other bits and pieces I memorized simply to make the grade! Either way, education is of the utmost importance.

My educational opportunities and degrees have led to a job that I really like (to say love is going a bit too far). My income allows me to have all of my basic needs met and more. I am so thankful that I have been able to expand my horizons and am able to support myself and give to others because of my job/education.

5. The ability and funds to travel: You can have the desire to see the world, but without the ability and funds, the desire is often unfulfilled. The last (almost) 30 years of my life have been full of adventures all over the world. I never stop thinking of the next place to explore or when I might be able to go visit a friend who lives far away. Traveling opens my mind, helps me to appreciate what I have, and marvel in the beauty of that that is different from my everyday world. My disability does not prohibit me from jet-setting! I may need help, but for the most part, I am able to be a tourist just like anyone else.

I would spend all of my money on traveling if I could. That's irresponsible, but I am thankful I have extra funds to spend on adventures around the world after taking care of my responsibilities.

6. Laughter/Humor: A day without laughter is a day wasted. Cliche I know, but I do my best not to take life or myself too seriously. One of my friends says when I laugh my whole body shakes! To that I say, give it all ya got!

7. The beach: Sand between my toes, the peace and power of the ocean, gorgeous sunsets, the warmth of the sun's rays, blue skies, pedicures, a tan, strawberry daiquiris --- the most peaceful place to me. What's not to love?!

8. Dresses: Don't even ask me how many dresses I own! I am embarrassed to tell you! In fact, I don't even know. All I know is that you can look in my closet and tell that clothing option is favorite. Why do I love them so much? They are easy to put on and when wearing them, I always feel more put together.  Fun, flirty, feminine, a lot of variety. Love them!
For fall, if I pair a dress with tall boots, I  really feel like I've got it goin' on! Pants schmants! Those are only reserved for situations where a dress would be inappropriate or I would absolutely freeze my butt off.  Gotta go with a dress!

9. Music: Music has always been a part of my life. I have been singing as long as I can remember. Concerts have the ability to put me in a trance because I am so fascinated and moved by the melodic sounds. Music moves me, speaks to me, calms me and makes me dance. I could give up my TV, but heaven forbid, I lose my ability to enjoy music. My favorite is country music, but my taste is rather eclectic.

10. Dessert: No explanation needed. I am addicted to sweet stuff!

The top 10 are things I am thankful for everyday. This Thanksgiving, I am particularly thankful for the fact that my hard cast is off! I am still non-weight-bearing, but December 8th I can WALK! And college basketball...oh the joy and excitement of college basketball!

Happy Thanksgiving, readers! Enjoy the feast with your friends and family and don't forget to wear your stretchy pants!!

A Rainy Day

It started raining last night and has been raining off and on all day. It feels like we've had a lot more rain than usual this Fall.  The leaves on the trees seem more brilliant. I heard the sharp hues of red, yellow, and orange are thanks to the rain. Science was never a strength of mine. I have no idea if there is solid proof to back up this theory, but it sounds good to me so I'm going with it. "April showers bring May flowers -- rain way past our due (share) brings a sharper hue" Ok, well, it doesn't really rhyme, but you get the idea!

Now that I am starting to feel better, I am getting anxious. Antsy. Trapped. Not just physically, but emotionally. I want this cast off. I want to be able to move. Even if it is just baby steps. It feels as if someone super-glued me to my current position in life and I am stuck. Recently, my friends have shared with me the wonderful news of engagements, pregnancies, babies or much anticipated trips! Let me tell you, I am SO excited for all of them and am thinking of ways to make them feel special during such important events in their lives! But, on the other hand, their progress is a reminder to me that I am stuck and I am not sure of the next steps that would allow me to progress too.

Then while catching up on my blogroll I come across this:


Not what I needed to see! It certainly resonated with me except I would change it just a bit. I have been somebody's first choice just once. I don't want to be somebody first choice just once or even a few times anymore. To not have to wrack my brain over the best date to take to an upcoming wedding would be so nice. To have a teammate to explore the world with and to ride the waves of life would be a true blessing. I want to be somebody's first choice FOREVER.

It's raining right now. Outside and in my heart. It's a good thing I can't move because I don't know where to go. All I can do is pray. The rain brings brighter colors. Beautiful flowers. Rainbows.

Dear God, please bring my rainbow soon.