It started raining last night and has been raining off and on all day. It feels like we've had a lot more rain than usual this Fall. The leaves on the trees seem more brilliant. I heard the sharp hues of red, yellow, and orange are thanks to the rain. Science was never a strength of mine. I have no idea if there is solid proof to back up this theory, but it sounds good to me so I'm going with it. "April showers bring May flowers -- rain way past our due (share) brings a sharper hue" Ok, well, it doesn't really rhyme, but you get the idea!
Now that I am starting to feel better, I am getting anxious. Antsy. Trapped. Not just physically, but emotionally. I want this cast off. I want to be able to move. Even if it is just baby steps. It feels as if someone super-glued me to my current position in life and I am stuck. Recently, my friends have shared with me the wonderful news of engagements, pregnancies, babies or much anticipated trips! Let me tell you, I am SO excited for all of them and am thinking of ways to make them feel special during such important events in their lives! But, on the other hand, their progress is a reminder to me that I am stuck and I am not sure of the next steps that would allow me to progress too.
Then while catching up on my blogroll I come across this:
Not what I needed to see! It certainly resonated with me except I would change it just a bit. I have been somebody's first choice just once. I don't want to be somebody first choice just once or even a few times anymore. To not have to wrack my brain over the best date to take to an upcoming wedding would be so nice. To have a teammate to explore the world with and to ride the waves of life would be a true blessing. I want to be somebody's first choice FOREVER.
It's raining right now. Outside and in my heart. It's a good thing I can't move because I don't know where to go. All I can do is pray. The rain brings brighter colors. Beautiful flowers. Rainbows.
Dear God, please bring my rainbow soon.