Day 10: My Biggest Fear

I always try to be as authentic as possible on this blog.  When you have a disability, you get lots of stares and assumptions from people, so I’ve sort of learned not to pay attention to what other people think about me.  With that said, though, I am human, and it does bother me to some degree.  I am, in no way, completely immune to being affected by what others think of me. I preface that because I am sure some people are going to think my biggest fear is silly, but I’m just keepin’ it real on here.

My biggest fear is never getting married.  I should clarify that to say not being in a happy marriage.  I get proposals from homeless men on the street all the time.  I am sure if I didn’t have high standards and wanted to settle, I could, but I don’t want to.  I don’t want to be married for the sake of being married.  I don’t want to be married because it is what I am supposed to do in life.  I want to be married because I want to share that deep love and bond with another person.  Life is meant to be lived and shared and we are meant to be with another.  I want to raise a family.  I want to be my husband’s biggest fan.  I want to love and support him and his family.  I want to experience all of the peaks and valleys with the love of my life, my teammate.   I know what it is like to have a deep connection and unbreakable bond with another person.  I want that again – and then some more.  Like a few kiddos and a dog, too.  It’s my biggest fear because it is somewhat out of my control.  If I’ve learned anything over the last year, it is that God is in control and I am not.  That sounds so simple, but it is easy to forget when times are good.  When deep sorrow and heartache enter the scene, the loss of control stares you dead in the face.  I can certainly do things to help myself find the person I am going to marry, but ultimately, God is the best one to pick out my husband.

I wholeheartedly believe I will be married one day.  But, what if I am wrong?  I don’t want to be wrong.  I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to settle for fear of being alone.  I hope and pray that God brings my husband – and soon. 

I look at my friends’ lives and feel so far behind sometimes.  I know it is not all a bowl of cherries for them.  In some cases, I see couples and think I do not want that.  But, what I do want is a loving, lifelong relationship with the one God created for me.

I pray that is what God wants for me, too. 

Day 9: The Great Steak Dinner

Today, I am supposed to share a photo of my friends.  Given that I have a lot of different groups of friends, I didn’t feel like searching for a bunch of photos only to risk leaving someone important out.  Instead, I want to talk about just one of my friends, my college roommate, Meredith, also known by me as “Hoops” and our great steak dinner.

After being accepted to University of Richmond, I filled out my roommate questionnaire and prayed for a tall roommate.  I wanted a tall roommate because I am so short and can’t reach anything up high.  In the middle of the summer, I received my roommate assignment.  All that was listed on the sheet was her name and where she was from: Meredith from Mt. Laurel, New Jersey.  We talked on the phone to get to know each other a little bit and to divide up who would bring what for our dorm room.  She seemed really nice and I was excited to meet her.  Not once did either one of us ask what the other looked like.  I guess that just wasn’t important. 

On move-in day, this 6’3’’ beautiful woman with the longest legs walked through the threshold of my dorm room.  I prayed for a tall roommate, but tall to me was 5’7’’.  God came through big and gave me a woman taller than my father!!  Not only is she tall, but she loves sports just as much as I do.  She also really enjoyed listening to music and we had a morning ritual of jammin’ out to some tunes while getting ready every morning.  We didn’t have the same classes or the same group of friends, but the two of us became fast friends.  Our late night conversations before bed were often the best part of the day because we had so much to catch each other up on. Hoops was a wonderful roommate.

Sophomore year, we both decided to spread our wings and room with other people.  We quickly realized that we missed being together and decided to room together for the remainder of our years on campus.  We reunited and it felt so good.
At University of Richmond, all the roommates that lived together for four years received a steak dinner at the end of senior year.  Since Meredith and I skipped one year, we were not eligible for the free steak dinner.  We were always kind of bummed about this.  A couple weeks ago, when she was in town, we decided to pretend like it was 2004 and go for our steak dinner.

We each had steak and then walked up to the cupcake place to grab some dessert.

 Nothing tops off a wonderful day better than a cupcake.  Duh!

 
Before we feasted, we hung out in my condo chatting.  As we were about to walk out the door, I realized I should brush my hair to look a little more presentable.  Meredith kindly offered to brush it for me.  This is significant because Meredith would always do my hair for my big sorority functions.  I guarantee you anytime my hair looked nice in college it was thanks to my roommate.  The range of motion in my arm is somewhat limited, so consequently, so are my hairstyles.  Meredith always wanted to make sure I looked my best and did my hair on many occasions.

A day with Meredith in town would not be complete without a little shopping.  My condo is surrounded by shops, so we hopped into a few, purchased some goodies, and she headed on home.

I will always refer to Meredith as “my roommate”.  I haven’t had another one since and would like to keep it that way.  

Day 8: One Happy Island

Today’s prompt is to share a place you have traveled to.  I realized I didn’t share much about my trip to Aruba, so this is the perfect opportunity to reflect back on my trip a little bit.  I travel a lot.  My family and I try to go on an annual vacation, and then I typically take some time to get away with friends or to visit friends.  This year, my family and I went to Aruba.  We just wanted to be completely lazy and soak up the sun.  That’s exactly what we did!
My parents and I have traveled to many islands and Aruba may be our favorite!  In fact, at the end of the trip, we discussed that we may not go to another island again!  That’s a bold statement, right?  Here’s why:

1.    NO RAIN: Aruba is a desert so it barely ever rains.

We have been on too many Caribbean vacations where we have encountered rain.  Let me tell you, nothing is worse than going on vacation expecting to sit in the sun and on the beach all day only to be stuck in your hotel room thanks to torrential downpours.  A little rain doesn’t keep us away from those beach chairs. We don our bathing suits and brave the droplets that fall from the sky.  But, sun is sooo much better.  Aruba promises sun for the majority of the year. There is wind.  The wind can get intense, so you should pack a headband to tame that mane, but the wind will not keep you from enjoying the warmth of the sun and the beauty of the island.

2.    You can drink the water.  So often, we have traveled to islands where you have to use bottled water to brush your teeth because you can’t drink the water or you will get sick.  That also means you can’t have salad or raw veggies so you feel like you are getting fatter by the minute.  People often assume that it is OK to do whatever you want because you are in the hotel and the hotel wouldn’t want to get anyone sick.  There is some truth to this, but still in the back of your mind, you hope that everything is filtered correctly and you won’t get sick.  In Aruba, you don’t have to worry.  The water is the cleanest and it tastes so good.

3.    They speak English and take American money.  In fact, Arubans speak four languages: English, Spanish, Dutch, and Papiamento.   All fluently.  I was quite impressed and felt dumb.  I can barely speak two languages fluently.

4.    It’s clean and beautiful. Just look at this!

We stayed at the RIU Palace Aruba, which I would highly recommend.  It was smaller than the other RIU Palaces we have stayed at with only four restaurants that require reservations, but everything was beautiful and clean.  The food was also very good.  The drinks were loaded and these lightweights (my family) was often dumping a little off the top.  And, the Aquazumba instructor was a sight to behold.   (Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures of him.  He did jump on top of me in the pool one day.  I didn't mind.)

One day, we weren’t lazy beach bums and took a Jeep Safari tour of the island.  It was amazing!  We went off-roading in the desert, were flying all over the place, and I even had my teeth covered in dirt.  Yes, it sounds gross, but life’s too short not to get covered in dirt sometimes.

We had a blast.

 Aruba truly lives up to its slogan of "One Happy Island!"

Day 7: My Favorite Film

My all time favorite film is “Father of the Bride” with Steve Martin.  Let me tell you a little story about this movie.  My family started a tradition many years ago of going to see a movie together on Christmas Day.  It used to be that we were three of ten people in the theater (I assume the other 7 were Jewish), and now people are in on our secret and the movies are packed on Christmas Day.  Jammed packed. This tradition started when we all went to see “Father of the Bride” together.  All three of us laughed the entire movie.

Not only is the movie funny and endearing, we laughed extra hard because we felt like we could have been watching our lives played out on screen.  I am very much the hopeless romantic Daddy’s girl.  My dad is Steve Martin to a tee in this movie.  If you know my dad really well, you know he doesn’t necessarily worry about money all that much, but he sure does talk like he does.  He is always saying to Mom and I, “That cost HOW much! Do you see a money tree in the backyard?”  We jokingly call my Dad the “chipper chicken” and I pray that he doesn’t get up at my wedding and say “This cost X dollars a plate.  Be sure to eat up!” I know he would never, ever embarrass me or himself like that, but so many of the things “George Banks” does in this movie have us rolling because it is like watching my dad.  Even he sees the character resemblance.  Diane Keaton/”Nina Banks” also really resembles my mom.  Of course my mom would not bat an eyelash at having swans at the wedding or thawing out the tulips with a hair dryer.   

“Annie and Brian” even get married on my parents’ wedding anniversary, January 6.

We will only be so lucky if I end up with a wedding planner like Franc.  And let’s hope my dad doesn’t accidentally wear a navy blue tux-aaaa-doe.

I am not one that can recite lines from movies.  My best friend is queen of this, but really, I could care less.  But, this movie.  I have seen it so many times and it never gets old.  I could probably singlehandedly recite the entire movie.

Without a doubt, my wedding day will be a very special day for my entire family.  One of love and warmth and joy.  And, if I am honest, my dad will probably do whatever I want to make it as special as possible.  He will be the best Father of the Bride there ever was.  But, I know we will reflect on this movie during the planning and on the actual day.  His chipper chicken tendencies will undoubtedly emerge and he has even offered his vintage convertible to me – similar to the one “George” drives.

“Father of the Bride” started our family tradition of going to the movies on Christmas and it will always be special to us for more than that reason.

Day 6: My Favorite Things

Two things came to mind when I sat down to write this post: The Sound of Music and Oprah.  I won't be singing you a song, and unfortunately, I won't be announcing that all of these things will be going home with you!  Sorry, maybe one day if I win the lottery.  I do encourage you to check out or experience these things, though.  They are my favorites for a reason -- they're awesome!

1. Music - Oh my gosh. Music moves me.  It gives me words when I cannot speak.  It evokes emotions.  It recalls memories.  It motivates. I could not live without music. 

2. ITunes gift cards - to buy more music

3. The sand between my toes, staring at the ocean with a strawberry daiquiri in my hand

4. Sunsets

5. Cupcakes

6. Boom Chicka Pop: Aside from this being the coolest name for popcorn ever, it is amazingly addictive - and only 35 calories per cup!

7. Traveling the world

8. Vacations with friends that involve laughing til my sides hurt

9. Tight hugs

10. When two friends are together, don't say a word, but walk away feeling like you had the best conversation.

11. Summer thunderstorms during the week

12. The groom's face when he sees his bride for the first time

13. Snow cones from Texas

14. The Redskins

15. Dripping in sweat after a workout

16. Mint chocolate chip ice cream with rainbow sprinkles in a cake cone

17. The moment in church when you close your eyes and listen to everyone worshiping.  I imagine it is what heaven is like.

18. A sign from deceased loved one

19. Balloons

20. Boats - Anything by/surrounding the water

Day 5: Favorite Quote

Whatever you are, be a good one - Abraham Lincoln

  

I just recently came across this quote and it is a new favorite of mine.  I want to remember it forever.  It's words ring so true.

Whatever you are, be a good one - Abraham Lincoln

  

It proves that it is not about money, position or power.  It's about how you approach your life.  It is about the effort and enthusiasm and love that you put into all that you do -- whatever you do.

Whatever you are, be a good one - Abraham Lincoln

 

Day 4: My Favorite Book

I'm not much of a read for fun type of girl.  I would go to the bookstore as soon as I got my summer reading list from school and tell the clerk that I wanted the books that had the least number of pages and the biggest print.  I could care less about the subject.  I just wanted to get through the summer reading as quickly as I could.  People laugh at me when I tell them I want to go to law school and that my undergraduate major consisted of a ton of reading.  For some reason, I don't mind doing that, but picking up a book for fun is just not my cup of tea.

If I recommend a book, it must be good because I would have never made it through it, if I was bored for even a second while reading it.  My favorite book lately is A Good and Perfect Gift by Amy Julia Becker.  It might help that the author is a close friend of mine, but I honestly think I would recommend this book even if I had no connection to the amazing woman who wrote it. 

Cuddled up in my bed, I tore through this book cover to cover in just one day.

You may pick up this book, realize that it is a story of a family raising a child with Down Syndrome, think that is not relevant to you and your life and put it back down. Yes, it is indeed a memoir about the surprise and challenges a first time mother felt when she learned two hours after her daughter's birth that Penny had Down Syndrome. Amy Julia had always placed high value on education and intellectual ability so this news brought dark days filled with sadness, fear, disappointment and shock that Penny may not live up to the dreams imagined for her while she was in the womb. Not only did the Beckers have to adjust to life with a newborn baby, Penny's Down Syndrome diagnosis ushered in a storm of questions and (perhaps) a dramatic adjustment in the life they had envisioned for their eldest child. More importantly, Penny forced an adjustment in the definition of perfection. Amy Julia candidly recalls her initial disappointment in the diagnosis and takes readers on the emotional and intellectual journey associated with the first two years of Penny's life. She asks uncomfortable questions. "Will I be able to be proud of her? Will I be able to love her?" (page 25) At first, she is not so sure. But as the book goes on, Becker leads the reader to see that these questions are not just those a parent of a child with a disability asks. She examines her own assumptions of "perfection" and challenges the readers to do the same.

Now you say, "Well, Jess, that's great, but this book seems even more irrelevant to me because I am not a parent"

Neither am I, but as a person with a disability I loved this book and want everyone to read it. This book beautifully articulates the struggles many people with disabilities feel. Fully able people often think the biggest challenges a disabled person face are physical or intellectual, depending on the nature of the disability. The truth is the physical (or intellectual) challenges are not high on our worry list. If we don't know how to do something, we will either try to do it a different way or don't know what we are missing anyway so it doesn't really matter. I would argue the greatest obstacle a disabled person faces is getting the world to see them as they see themselves: as a person with a disability rather than a disabled person. 

In A Good and Perfect Gift, Becker takes the readers on her personal journey from seeing her daughter as a disabled person to a person with a disability.

“Can she live a full life without ever solving a quadratic equation?  Without reading Dostoevsky?  I’m pretty sure she can.  Can I live a full life without learning to cherish and welcome those in this world who are different from me?  I’m pretty sure I can’t.” (pg 123) 

If you are a book worm and enjoy well written books, this is for you. If you are looking for an engaging story, pick this up when you have time because you won't be able to put it down. But, if you are interested in growing as a person, do me a favor and read this book. You will be changed -- for the better.

Hopefully, now I have intrigued you and you want to know more about this read. If so, go here. You will find many reviews and may I point out that Becker's book was selected as one of the best of 2011 by Publisher's Weekly!  Now that you're sold, go get it here!    

It's a good and perfect book -- and my favorite!