Honor

I am one of ten classmates on our tenth reunion committee and we are making calls and emailing our classmates to encourage attendance at Reunion and to ask them to make a donation in honor of our 4 years spent together at 28 Westhampton Way. I should be a pro at fundraising and encouraging attendance at reunion because I have been raising funds for Mike's scholarship since May and am proudest Spider you will ever meet, so without a doubt, I'll be back on campus and would love to see all of my classmates as well.

If I'm really honest, I went back for our 5 year reunion and didn't have the best time.  The University has completely revamped the way reunions are run, and I mean I know I am on the committee, but y'all, it is going to be FANTASTIC!  If you are a UR'04 Spider, you should be super excited to come!

As I set down the phone, I got to thinking about what it means to honor.  To me, it means a couple of things.

• You are acknowledging what your time on campus meant to you.  Maybe you met your spouse, forged indelible friendships, acquired the skills and knowledge that have contributed to your success today or just had some epic parties at The Row (I hope The Row is not all UR meant to you, but whatever it takes!)

• A donation, no matter the size, is a way to ensure future Spiders are able to have those same experiences that were so memorable to you.  Or, dare I say, your gift could be allowing them to have an even better experience.  Either way, past, present and future Spiders all share a common experience and that wouldn't be possible without the help of those that have gone before us. 

One of the reasons I wanted to establish the scholarship fund for Mike was to honor his life and the incredible impact he had on our campus.  He would want to help future Spiders share in the academic and extracurricular experiences and friendships he held so dear. With your help, we can do our part to impact the next generation of Spiders for years to come.  Right now, legally I am not allowed to give a lot of specific details about the scholarship, but I will say that it will not be a one-and-done type deal.  While the fundraising campaign will end on May 8, 2014, the funds will be given for years to come.  It will impact more than just one Spider.

So, as you think back on your time on campus, as you think back to your friendships/classmates that/who may have contributed to those fond memories, consider giving to University of Richmond and specifically, the Mike Clements Memorial Fund. Your donation will get you a ticket to the party in the Greek Theatre on May 30 (if you are Class of 2004). And you should know, the University makes me aware of your generosity, but does not divulge the amount of your contribution.  As far as I am concerned, every dollar counts and I am just so thankful you would be a part of something so special.

If you'd like to help, go to www.givenow.richmond.edu, select "Other" and type in Mike Clements Memorial Fund.  All of the donations are tax deductible. If you've already donated, THANK YOU doesn't seem like an adequate expression of my gratitude.  We currently have a little over $15,000 thanks to you. 

Honor your time.  Honor your classmate/friend, Mike.  And, of course, GO SPIDERS!

WE ARE UR.

  

Make that dash count!

I was once told that the dates on your tombstone are exactly that.  Two days.  It's the dash that counts.  The dash is when you were really living.  Lately, I've been reminded to make the best of that dash. After I returned home from London, I went to the DVR to catch up on the Cory Monteith/Finn tribute episode of "Glee".  It's a good thing I watched it alone because I pretty much sobbed through the entire episode.  From start to finish, tears didn't just stream down my face.  It was an all out ugly cry.  I kept watching even though at every turn, I was reminded of Dude's death.  I was brought back to those early days.  To the days when nobody hid their tears, and many spent hours trying to comfort me, his mom and brothers, and all of us most affected by the tragedy.  I don't remember much about the episode, but something "Kurt" said hit me hard.  I will paraphrase because I don't remember it exactly. 

"People want to know how Finn died.  I don't care how he died.  That's not what matters.  That was one day in his entire life.  I care about how he lived."

The quote struck me.  In the early days and months after Dude's death, I met with many of his friends.  Some were my friends too, and some I'd not met before or would only consider an acquaintance. All of them wanted to know one thing.  What happened.  How did a man full of such life and energy give up on what he would have once deemed a great adventure?! I understood why everyone asked this question yet I didn't want to answer it.  I was in the trenches for all of the ups and downs, so of course, I could have provided an answer.  Do I truly know the real answer?  Probably not, but I know enough to provide something that would suffice.  Yet I'd always redirect the question.  I'd shy away from answering not only because I wanted to protect Dude, but because to answer the question would be to tell them of a man they did not know.  See, Dude was not Dude when he died.  As one of his brothers said, "he got lost and forgot who he was."  I could recall those last few months.  I could discuss the transformation I saw in him.  The hopes.  The fears.  The good. The bad. The ugly.  But, it would not be an accurate description of the man they knew.  The man who had touched their lives.  So, in response to the question of "What happened?", I'd politely say focus on the man you called your friend.  Focus on what you loved most about him and how he made you feel.  Focus on what he did that touched you.  Focus on the lessons you learned from him.  Focus on how he lived.  Not how he died.  It is in this way that Dude's spirit is kept alive in our hearts.  It is in this way that we carry the best of him with us and "introduce" him to those who sadly did not have the opportunity to meet him.  I'm sure most of the people I met with may not have been satisfied with that answer.  They felt that knowing the details of his illness, his downward spiral that ultimately lead to this death would help them heal.  Maybe I did them a disservice by not going into all of the tragic details.  If so, I'm sorry.  But, his death was one day.  The last thing I want is for people to remember him for how he died.  Very few people want to be remembered for how they died.  It's how you live that matters.  It's the dash that counts!

Tonight, I was once again reminded to make life count.  University of Richmond, where I went to college, is a small school and everyone knows everyone.  Andrew Holter was a couple years younger than I, but he was an opinion editor of The Collegian, our newspaper, and I remember him and his columns well.  They were always funny yet thought-provoking.  Even when Andrew was studying abroad, he took the time to write his columns. Perhaps the most thought provoking thing Andrew wrote came shortly before his accidental death -- he drowned while visiting some friends in Italy. Before his death, Andrew (unknowingly)  wrote,  

"In life, the gains come on slowly, and the losses happen in an instant. Life is tragic. If you're reading this, that means you're alive. Do something with it. You don't want to die without any scars, do you? "

It's the dash that counts!  

Day 9: The Great Steak Dinner

Today, I am supposed to share a photo of my friends.  Given that I have a lot of different groups of friends, I didn’t feel like searching for a bunch of photos only to risk leaving someone important out.  Instead, I want to talk about just one of my friends, my college roommate, Meredith, also known by me as “Hoops” and our great steak dinner.

After being accepted to University of Richmond, I filled out my roommate questionnaire and prayed for a tall roommate.  I wanted a tall roommate because I am so short and can’t reach anything up high.  In the middle of the summer, I received my roommate assignment.  All that was listed on the sheet was her name and where she was from: Meredith from Mt. Laurel, New Jersey.  We talked on the phone to get to know each other a little bit and to divide up who would bring what for our dorm room.  She seemed really nice and I was excited to meet her.  Not once did either one of us ask what the other looked like.  I guess that just wasn’t important. 

On move-in day, this 6’3’’ beautiful woman with the longest legs walked through the threshold of my dorm room.  I prayed for a tall roommate, but tall to me was 5’7’’.  God came through big and gave me a woman taller than my father!!  Not only is she tall, but she loves sports just as much as I do.  She also really enjoyed listening to music and we had a morning ritual of jammin’ out to some tunes while getting ready every morning.  We didn’t have the same classes or the same group of friends, but the two of us became fast friends.  Our late night conversations before bed were often the best part of the day because we had so much to catch each other up on. Hoops was a wonderful roommate.

Sophomore year, we both decided to spread our wings and room with other people.  We quickly realized that we missed being together and decided to room together for the remainder of our years on campus.  We reunited and it felt so good.
At University of Richmond, all the roommates that lived together for four years received a steak dinner at the end of senior year.  Since Meredith and I skipped one year, we were not eligible for the free steak dinner.  We were always kind of bummed about this.  A couple weeks ago, when she was in town, we decided to pretend like it was 2004 and go for our steak dinner.

We each had steak and then walked up to the cupcake place to grab some dessert.

 Nothing tops off a wonderful day better than a cupcake.  Duh!

 
Before we feasted, we hung out in my condo chatting.  As we were about to walk out the door, I realized I should brush my hair to look a little more presentable.  Meredith kindly offered to brush it for me.  This is significant because Meredith would always do my hair for my big sorority functions.  I guarantee you anytime my hair looked nice in college it was thanks to my roommate.  The range of motion in my arm is somewhat limited, so consequently, so are my hairstyles.  Meredith always wanted to make sure I looked my best and did my hair on many occasions.

A day with Meredith in town would not be complete without a little shopping.  My condo is surrounded by shops, so we hopped into a few, purchased some goodies, and she headed on home.

I will always refer to Meredith as “my roommate”.  I haven’t had another one since and would like to keep it that way.  

Sun In My Belly

You can tell I am slowly adjusting to everything that has happened to me over the last year because I am back to traveling.  In fact, I have been on 3 trips in the last three months.  I love to travel, and while I always imagine DC will be my home base, I can’t stay in the same spot for too long.  I have this insatiable desire to see the world. For the last year, grief has squelched that longing.  Dude would be so upset with me for not jet setting because we both had that travel bug and planned to go many places – and even live in London for a brief stint, which I would still most definitely consider.

I’ve been so busy going places and making new memories that I haven’t blogged about our UR reunion in Atlanta that took place back in February!  My friends from college are some of the most genuine, adventurous, loyal, caring, curious, and intellectually stimulating people I know. We come from all different backgrounds – some are from the North, some from the South and we are in a variety of professions – lawyers, doctors, dentists, professors, managers.  Our differences unite us and our bond is strong. 

Since 2005 (year after we graduated), we have been having an annual reunion.  We are geographically spread out around the United States, so we rotate houses each year.  There are about 10 or 12 of us that try to make reunion.  This year, only 4 of us could make it as it is getting increasingly more difficult with pregnancies and babies.  Eventually, though, I hope and imagine us having family reunions with all of our munchkins running around as if they were “cousins”, and Brad being "Uncle Brad" and spoiling our kids because he doesn’t want any of his own and can’t imagine why the rest of us would think becoming parents is a good idea (love you, B-rad)!!  I guarantee you he will be the one that buys our children the toy that the kid thinks is the absolute greatest yet according to the parents, it is the most annoying.  You know the ones I am talking about -  Ones with the never-ending beeps and sounds.  Yeah, I am in for it, one day. I just know it.

Our 2013 reunion was in Atlanta at John and Alyssa’s house.  I’ll pretty much let the photos speak for themselves. We ate a lot, but I didn’t get many photos of the food.  By the way, you know you are a blogger when you become crazy about taking photos of food.  I mean you just might need to show the rest of the internet how delicious you meal is, right? So, no photos of my meals out of the house, but my favorite place we ate at was this adorable restaurant in Decatur called Sun in my Belly.  I wanted to go every day.  I asked if we could go every day.  I got overruled.  We couldn’t go every day because we had so much more to see and experience.

Decatur, GA.  We had fun doing a little shopping and eating at Sun in My Belly

No Sun in My Belly today.  Homemade crepes instead!!

Hanging around in our jammies!  Just like college -- sort of

We tasted a ton of Coke products.  Inca Cola? GROSS!

Waiting for the Coke movie.  The glasses were much more fun than the movie!

"Uncle Brad"

We would tour by day and laugh the night away with games of Apples to Apples and Mad Libs.  Playing Mad Libs at age 12 and at age 31 is quite different.  If we weren’t laughing, we were engaged in some intellectual debate or stuffing our mouths with the M&Ms that were just left on the table all day that Sydney (their dog) never touched! We were amazed.

UR in Atlanta 2013

What a fun trip with such dear friends!  Sun in my belly, for sure.