The night before my surgery I was on the phone with a friend expressing my hopes and fears related to my surgery and the long recovery that comes with it. She said, "I think your recovery verse should be Psalm 46:10."
Be still and know that I am God
Be still? Ha! Good one! I am not sure if that word is in my vocabulary. I hear people tell me to "be still" a lot, but my uncontrollable startle reflex balks at this command every time! Stillness is not easy and rather uncomfortable for me. My cast robs me of a full-night's restful sleep. Awake for a few hours, I grab my iPhone and dilly dally through the different apps or turn on the TV and try to pass the time while the rest of the house slumbers in the stillness of the night. Be still? Hmmm.
Now that the pain and drugs have worn off, my mind and body are in a constant battle. My initial recovery period requires no weight-bearing for 6-8 weeks. This means I cannot walk. I cannot go anywhere without the assistance of another person. I am helped into a chair and required to stay there. I must be still. My mind spins with all sorts of things I could be doing if I weren't bound to a chair or bed. I've made a list of places in the world to visit. Planning for my best friend's birthday party is well underway. My mom is calling me "The QVC lady" because the UPS guy has come almost everyday for the last week thanks to online shopping. I want to get out of this chair. I want to explore. But I can't.
It's a big deal in my world these days when my parents take me to movies or to dinner. I can see the outside from the window, but to feel the chilly air hit my face and to hear the crunch of the leaves is honestly, thrilling! As Dad rolls me to the car and then to our destination, a grin is plastered on my face. Afterwards, I am tired. So tired. My mind wants to go, but my body can't handle too much activity.
So, alas, just as He always is, God is right. I must heed the words of Psalm 46:10: "Be STILL and KNOW that I am GOD". What I know of God is that He is preparing me for something wonderful. I can think of a number of things I would deem "wonderful", but whatever God has in store is better than I can imagine! For now, I will be still and hope and pray for the future.
It's the only thing I can do. It's the right thing to do.