It is hard to believe that it has been 18 months since you left this earth. It is a struggle to believe that you are gone at all. There are still days that it just seems like a horrible nightmare and I'll wake up from it all. Still nights when I have to listen to your voicemail to fall asleep because I was so used to talking to you before I went to bed. There are days when I just want to gchat you or call or wait for you to call and say, "Hurry up and get ready. I'm coming!"
I imagine it will always be like this to some degree.
There are days when it seems like you've been gone for so long. Days when I burst out laughing remembering something you said or did sometime. Days when the pain is not so sharp; when the longing is not so desperate. There are days when I feel like I am starting to adjust to all of this. There are times when I "hear" you say, " I am here. I did not and will not leave you." There are conversations that begin with "If Mike was here.....or Dude would totally dig that!"
I imagine it will always be like this to some degree, too.
So much is different yet so much is the same. My/our friends continue to surround and support me unconditionally. Memories of you come flooding in from others in the form of a story, old photos, a donation to your scholarship, or even just saying your name. I love that they share these things with me. And, DUDE! Your scholarship!! It's hard work, but you totally deserve it. Everyone has been generous -- my family and friends who have never met you, people you touched on campus or people you knew in other ways. Please echo my prayer to Jesus that that fund will soar and we will reach our goal by May 8th. You deserve the best of the best, Dude, and I'll do everything I can to make that happen for you.
You may be gone, but you are not forgotten. Ever. And you are so very loved.
I know it will always be that way.